G. Champ Active

For exceptionally unhinged, mathematically obscene, and spiritually cursed performance of duty while serving as the new FDC for Neptune 1-9, CPL G. Champion distinguished himself by proving beyond a reasonable doubt that God does, in fact, does love the infantry, but only the gay autistic retarded ones. His callsign is “Rainman”, not for his autism, but because each White Phosphorus plume that is seen is actually a mortar round he filled with 5 gallons of his own freeze dried nut and liquid jet fuel. CPL Champion demonstrates an uncanny ability to compute MFPs faster than most soldiers realize they are being shot at. In an act of what can only be described as the most beautiful mutiny, he elected that his JFO was dog shit at his job and put him down like Old Yeller, yelling "Who's in charge here? Who got that good dick?!" Who better to calculate fire missions than a guy who hops on net with a cigarette in his mouth, a beer in hand, and the libido of a bitch in heat? In a display of commitment that violated several articles of the UCMJ and at least one unspoken covenant with God, CPL Champion casually sauntered through an MFP completely nude, recorded it, and shared it on social media, proving once and for all that fear is optional, shame is imaginary, and morale is directly proportional to how hung you are. This act alone shows that he is not only capable to be the FDC, but that he is also a certified R-A-N. CPL Champion’s actions have directly enabled Neptune 1-9 to deliver timely, accurate, and devastating fires while maintaining peak levels of fun, laughter, and a sense of unease only deliverable by a man who might fuck me in the ass harder than "Yes King". His contributions ensured mission success and elevated the art of mortars to its rightful place as controlled down syndrome. His presence serves as a reminder that math is lethal, clothing is optional, and mortarmen are not to be trusted.

Fire Direction Controller

Completed CLS Qualification Course 5 December 2025.